Find yourself glassy-eyed in the seasonal supermarket aisle? No time for an extensive eggs-ploration? Here’s my irreverent edit of the most irreverent Easter offerings…
The totally tropical
I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts… Well, actually just the one. But what a beauty it is. The Chocolate Society’s entirely edible replica is hewn from coconut-infused Valrhona Opalys couveture. The finish is fully faithful to the original item; the pernickety procedure involving chocolate-spraying, cocoa-sprinkling and shell-scuffing.
Fear not, the egg’s top is supposed to be lopped off like that – it’s not damaged stock. Nor is taking a notch out of the coconut’s crown purely for aesthetic effect; it also allows for a quick heat treatment followed by a snowfall of shredded coconut, the meat adhering to the egg’s warmed inside surface as the twain meet. Cocoa loco, indeed.
Mothers ruined by having a few too many small people populating their household over Easter will need something to get them through the long weekend. This Prestat Easter egg is the perfect present.
It’s not quite booze-infused, but the lemon-flavoured milk chocolate shell does yield a generous measure of gin truffles whose effect is more devilish than their snow-white appearance suggests. A dash of lemon and juniper and the prickle of popping candy livens things up still further.
Consume with caution: depending on demeanour, they’ll either perk you up, or put you on your back.
The way to five-a-day
Why have one egg when you could have a whole crate of caramel-filled chocolate ones? Rococo’s decadent dozen features three fruity flavours handmade by the company’s head chocolatier Barry Johnson; award-winning Kalamansi Lime, Passion Fruit & Rosemary, and the novel new Mandarin and Tonka Bean.
If you’re not convinced the caramel’s fruit content can be counted as an honest way to get your five-a-day, you can at least count on the fact these specimens are small enough to slip under the diet doctor’s radar. Just don’t eat them all at once.
The blowout behemoth
If you plan to tackle this titan, you’ll need two things: deep pockets and an empty stomach. This chocolate monster costs close to £250. To be fair, it clocks in at a hefty 4.2 kilos and is the size of a small child – but, of course, the nubbly hazelnut milk chocolate is far, far tastier to tuck into.
You already know what to expect with Lindt; milky, creamy loveliness whose sweetness should be sufficient to stop you before you stuff yourself silly. It’s surely silly money to spend on a single Easter indulgence. But that won’t stop me wanting it.
The almost-endless egg-within-an-egg
If you have a penchant for nesting tables, sets of measuring spoons and Russian dolls, you’ll enjoy this egg. Just like those brightly-painted matryoshkas, small half-shell sits inside a slightly larger one, which sits inside one that’s bigger still, and so on, times five.
It’s a nifty concept in itself, but more so still once you discern that you get five flavours for the price of one. With plain dark, dark butterscotch, white raspberry, and milk with hazelnuts or cocoa-nibs in the choc collection, even the fussiest recipient shouldn’t feel short-changed – unless they find their favourite is the smallest size…
The Multi-faceted Marvel
Know someone who’s a bit of a square peg in a round hole? This angular ovoid is the Easter egg for them. The Facet has a dual function; mesmerising the mind as it pleases the palate. In common with all of Hotel Chocolat’s creations, the walls of this gloriously geometric treat are pleasantly generous in their thickness.
If 70% dark chocolate doesn’t egg-site, there’s also a 40% milk incarnation of The fabulous Facet on offer. The only downside is the time you’ll spend attempting to wrap that strangely-shaped box – perhaps you should just ‘gift’ it to yourself and not bother.
The 24-carat Choice
All that glitters might not be gold, but, if it’s a nice substantial shell of Paul’s rich, complex milk chocolate packed full of a Champagne ganache so brilliantly boozy that it could well see you through the whole bank holiday weekend, then I’m happy enough.
Sound like your (egg)cup of tea? The Golden Egg comes perched atop its very own ceramic specimen, complete with matching spoon so you can tuck in as soon as you hand over your cash. You might well tell the shop staff, me, and yourself that you’re saving it until Easter; but we all know the truth.