Surely the very scariest thing about Halloween is the bone-chilling prospect of some dissatisfied soul spiriting away your choc stocks. Or, and perhaps worse, being forced to cram down cheap confectionary that’s far more frightful than delightful. Quality should not stop simply because your chocolate is spider-shaped, goo-filled, or appears more like munch for monsters than humanfolk.
If your Halloween loot looks ghastly, that’s fine and fit for purpose. But if it tastes ghastly, the chocolate is clearly far from fine and you should run from it as though it were a zombie with your brain on its mind and menu.
Fear not: These treats are scarily good…
You’ve no doubt encountered and eaten Death BY Chocolate, but Conjurer’s Kitchen deals in Death IN Chocolate. The so-named range collection is a selection of chocolate skulls depicting different species; diversely-decorated or unadorned. Even more shocking than the most macabre items is the sheer skill involved in their creation.
And, throughout October, all orders come with a free chocolate crow’s skull. Nice one.
The lovely little witches who call their coven The Chocolate Smiths are always toiling away to hubble-bubble up some trouble; resulting in a range that’s strange and well-worth discovering. This ghoulishly green bar is actually made with white chocolate; that sweet shell a jolting contrast to the sour apple caramel within.
Of course, the only instance in which Harvey Nichols would permit creepy-crawlies to enter the store would be if said specimens were attired in luxurious dark chocolate robes; a dress code these scorpions have adhered to here. Insects are an increasingly-accepted protein source – rendering this treat practically a health food. Do you dare?
Trebuchet 1kg Chocolate skull
Selfridges’ poor fellow might be lacking grey matter, but to those with brains in full working order, the idea of eating one’s way through a solid kilo of chocolate is pretty pleasing. The carefully-crafted skull is available in milk, dark, chilli or caramel options – but, surprisingly, not bone-white. Will you share yours or opt for a rather macabre tete-a-tete?
A Little Piece & Love Chocolate shipwreck in a bottle
This spooky shipwreck is A Little Piece & Love’s seasonal special for Selfridges. Unscrew the lid to get at the chilli and lime-spiked chocolate boat and skull, then swallow the ‘sand’, too – for the stuff that the bits are bedded down on are made with mango popping candy and can be consumed – albeit with some serious sound effects.
The world would be a better place if all those pappy pumpkins one encounters at Halloween were hewn from Rococo’s finest chocolate. Instead of flavourless flesh, you’ll find decadent dark chocolate coated with a thin skin of hand-painted white chocolate. And instead of seeds, you get mini chocolate munchkins filled with mandarin confite.
Choccywoccydoodah are known for an ever-evolving roster of weird-and-wonderful chocolate creations. The shop already has its own fly-on-the-wall TV show; and now it has slimy-snails-on-the-floor, too. Each lustre-dusted solid chocolate specimen weighs in at a quarter of a kilo. Garlic butter neither required nor desirable.
Inspired by Mexico’s Day of the Dead, each of these colourful, decorative lollipops are like miniature portraits of the long-passed cast in milk chocolate. The hand-painted nature means every item is completely unique – but rest assured, each sweet treat delivers the very same taste.
This devilishly-dark delight stands at just over 10cm tall, the 67% Grenadan chocolate creation burnished bronze. This smashing pumpkin is definitely one you’ll want to destroy, as the shell houses haunting, warming flavours you’ll want to reveal – generously-studded with candied orange peel and crystallised ginger.
One for the whimsical soul, the lid of La Maison du Chocolate’s Bouchees box lifts to reveal a big-eyed owl perched on a tree branch, silhouetted against a brightly-blazing moon. All, pleasingly, are edible. Underneath you’ll find three fat fingers of chocolate praline; two of crispy-crepe-filled milk and one of dark studded with slivers of pistachio.
You might not buy the H box with the intention ‘all for one’, but it’s a sure and safe bet that one will want all that’s inside. Crispy praline Spider Bites have no sting in the tail but a crunch in the munch, whilst Oozy Eye truffles are filled with ‘bloody’ red, bloody good caramel. Decorations are bold and gleefully gruesome, but the standard is as solid as that chocolate skull.
The white chocolate gnashers Creighton’s Chocolaterie turns out year-round are frighteningly realistic on any occasion, but for Halloween they’ve been hand-painted with gently oozing blood. One thing’s certain – you will definitely brush your teeth thoroughly after chewing on this lest the same fate befall you.
Textured chocolate is proving rather popular of late. Ever-fashionable, Fortnum’s has added some substance to an otherwise-mellow 33% milk chocolate bar to eerie effect. Crunchy sugar chunks give the eater the somewhat spooky sensation of crunching on bones… and the rather scary realisation that, should they actually taste like this, one might not mind doing so.
- Next up on the blog – a guide to the hottest Halloween events, crammed with so much chocolate it’s scary.
- Tired of the sort of cheap choc people hand out at Halloween? Read the trick to trading up your treats here.